What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
