And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
