my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
