If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
