So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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