Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
