so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
