Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
