He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
