Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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