I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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