and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
