Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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