okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
