What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
