I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
