I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
