Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
