I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
