Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
