oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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