I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
