shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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