oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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