just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
