too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
