Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
