I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
