Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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