At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
