All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
