ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
