3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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