I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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