id be glad to
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
