so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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