just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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