mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
