i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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