Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
