Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
