pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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