K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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