redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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