guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
