Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
