I hate all girls vehemently.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
