I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
