just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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