wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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