Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
