break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
