were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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